"The double-edged sword..."

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Shared by Breanne Smedley

"You always have it all figured out!" The words came out of one of my 16-year-old volleyball players a couple of years ago.
"Yeah!" Someone else echoed. "Like, perfect!"
 
The moment those words left her lips, my heart sank.
Because as everyone who strives for perfection knows, "having it all together" on the outside rarely looks the same on the inside.
 
But, I felt the pressure.
To be all, and do all.
And appear like I was juggling it all perfectly.
 
The season that this sweet, young, and confident volleyball player told me this was the one that I had just come back from having a baby.
Charlee was 5 months old when I went back to teaching and coaching full time.
I was determined to continue exclusively breastfeed.
Teach all day. Coach in the evenings.
Workout 7 days a week. Eat clean and only eat out 1x per week max.
Wear the right clothes and makeup.
Spend time with family.
Have a clean, modernly decorated house.
And do it all with a smile on my face.
 
"I want to show these girls that they can absolutely be a woman and have a career and chase your passions AND have a family." I remember telling one of my assistant coaches that season.
 
"That’s a lot of pressure," I remember her saying back.
In my pursuit of what I thought it should look like, I sent a clear message to these young, impressionable girls.
In order to have it all, you have to do it all yourself and do it perfectly to boot.
The reality was, it wasn’t perfect.
My milk supply suffered.
 
I was exhausted teaching and coaching 12-14 hour days.
I was beating myself up if I couldn’t still workout every day.
I was stressed trying to plan and prep meals so that I didn’t have to eat out.
I longed to spend time with my family and never felt like the moments I gave them were enough.
The house was far from clean.
 
I had to let go of this idea of perfection. I HAD to show them that it wasn’t great all the time and that it was okay to ask for help.
Because worse than showing these girls that I had failed at "being and doing it all" was showing them that perfection is attainable.
It’s not attainable. In fact, perfection is a double-edged sword that will eventually kill.
 
#InspirationallyImpactful


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