“Learning the painful way…”

 

Shared by Breanne Smedley

This past year has easily been one of the most transformative of my life.

Yes, gaining a new role as a mom and experiencing the dynamic of our family change has been significant.

However, I don’t think that’s what has changed me the most.

When Kristina and I set out to build Mindfluent Leadership in June of last year, our intentions were to provide transformative leadership skills to leaders in their businesses, schools, homes, and communities.

We weren’t sure exactly what it would look like at the time.

Courses? Workshops? Retreats? Speaking engagements? Partnerships with schools and businesses?

What I can tell you for sure is that we didn’t expect to be sitting here, almost a year later, having shared nearly a combined total of 200 stories to the “world” (ie. Facebook).

Stories where we are vulnerable. 
Share embarrassing, hurtful, and real parts of our pasts. 
Stories of our struggles, and successes. 
Stories that have made those closest to us relive fun memories. 
And some not-so-fun memories.

But I’ve learned that as much as I hope people are inspired, feel connected, and heard through our stories, I don’t write for them.

I write for me.

To transform my own thoughts and beliefs. 
To reinforce the belief that I am the writer of my own story. 
To change how I respond to situations, and view my circumstances.

Writing stories, combined with the research that Kristina and I have dove into in the process of building Mindfluent Leadership has lead us down a path that we didn’t expect.

The path right back to ourselves.

Coming face to face with our own insecurities, pain, and fear.

Amplified by the inner critic that exists to try to keep us safe, and not thinking about these things.

And the realization that we are not alone.

That other women experience these same limitations as they lead and live everyday.

Over the past year on this journey, I’ve had to grapple with some questions that I’d rather not.

Why does my throat tighten up and my eyes start to well when I tell people I’m proud of them, or that I love them?
Why does my mind stop the minute I start to think about my parents' divorce?
Why, when I’m experiencing a fun moment with my family, do I feel the urge to not let myself get “carried away”?
Why do I make sure I buy clothes that intentionally cover parts of my body I don’t like?
Why can’t I say no to people?

Up to this point, I’ve shrugged these things off.

Stop thinking. 
Get busy. 
Move on, forget.

In the book, Untethered Soul, Michael Singer writes,

“You will get to a point in your growth where you understand that if you protect yourself, you will never be free.”

Through this journey of writing stories and building with Kristina, I can confidently say that I’ve arrived at this place in my growth.

So, the choice is up to me.

Continue to live a life where I’m constantly protecting myself, but never experiencing freedom.

Or, give myself the ultimate gift and experience the pain.

Then, let it go.

Because on the other side of pain?

Growth. Freedom. Liberation.

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#DaringlyResilient

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