“Standing Out…”

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Shared by Breanne Smedley

When you’re a nearly 6-foot tall woman, it’s not hard to stand out.

Despite this, I’ve spent most of my life trying to hide my height, somehow.

Growing up, I perfected the hip lean and hunched shoulders. Desperately trying to be at the same height as my friends, who were maybe 5’5” on a good day.

Every pair of shoes that I owned was examined, measured, and felt for thickness. Over a ½ inch thick sole? Not wearing it. I pretty much lived in converse and flip flops.

In high school, I periodically stood against my door frame, with a book and a tape measure.

I’d put that book on my head, make sure it was level. Then held it steady as I dipped from under it, mark, and measure. I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t grown any more from the week prior.  

It doesn’t help that people seem to think it’s okay to comment on your height if you’re tall.

I’m not bothered by them now, but as a 12-18 year old, already hyper-aware of how different I was, I didn’t know what to do when people would comment on my body.

“Wow, you’re sooo tall. I bet you play basketball.” Nope, I hate basketball…

“How’s the weather up there?” Probably about the same as where you are…

“Are your parents tall?” Yes, I come from a long lineage of giraffes actually…

My favorite, coming always from adult males is, “Well, I’m 6’, so that must make you, what, 6’3”?” Um, no sir. You are 5’8”…

I know people don’t intend to be mean when they make comments like this.

“They’re just jealous,” my mom would always assure me.

But, as I would awkwardly catch another person’s staring eyes as I stand in the grocery line, I would think, “jealous, of what?”

Never being able to find pants, or shirts long enough to fit these gangly limbs?

Loathing high school dances because I was taller than 95% of the school?

“I’d trade my height with theirs, any day!” I’d think

Subconsciously, I taught myself that standing out wasn’t good.

It’s painful for me to recount how I thought about myself for so long, especially now that I am a mom of a daughter, and a teacher of young women.

So, I carry myself much differently these days.

I can’t pinpoint what exactly changed, but I realized along the way that part of loving myself means loving my height.

I stand up straight, with my shoulders back and my hips even. Because I know the power of my height can command a room, and body language influences perception and confidence.

I used my height to feel strong and powerful playing volleyball in high school and college. And I use it now to carry me through CrossFit workouts.

And I wear whatever damn shoes I feel like wearing.

What I’ve only recently changed is something I never realized I was doing for so long.

I’ve stopped apologizing for my height.

“You make me feel so short!”

I used to respond by saying I’m sorry.

But, sorry for what? I’m sorry that I was born with genes that made me taller than you, and now you feel bad?

“If I had your height, I’d be good at volleyball too!”

I used to respond by saying I’m sorry.

But, sorry for what? Sorry that I’ve worked hard and practiced rep after rep to be good at what I do, and that’s making you feel like you can’t do the same thing?

“You did well on that workout because you’re tall.”

I used to agree with them, and say I’m sorry.

But, sorry for what? Sorry, I guess I didn’t have to do any work during that WOD because my height makes me a better rower?

I’m not sorry anymore for standing out.

My height makes it inevitable, so I’ve come to embrace it, and love that it makes me much of who I am.

It’s not about me anymore though.

Pretty soon, my mini-me is going to grow. And I’d say there’s a good probability that she has inherited her parent’s height.

Who is she going to look to for guidance, when she starts to stand out? When people start to make comments about her body, and she can’t find pants quite long enough to fit those legs?

I’ll be there modeling every step of the way. Standing tall and showing her to unapologetically embrace and love her height.

And teaching her the truth that she was made to stand out.

 

#MindfullyEvolving

#DaringlyResilient

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