“Small talk…”
Shared by Breanne Smedley
By all definitions and tests of introverts vs extroverts, I classify as an introvert.
I love people and experiences, but too much social interaction without a chance to recharge leaves me feeling drained.
Apparently, as an introvert, small talk is something that particularly drains me.
It’s true. The thought of going to a party and engaging in the typical surface-level exchanges that are bound to happen is enough to make me second-guess attending.
“So, the weather today…”
“What do you do for work…?”
It just seems pointless to me. I want to dive deep, create connections, learn something new about someone.
But, that sometimes just doesn’t seem appropriate in some contexts.
When I get stuck in small talk, the conversation stays “polite” and doesn’t allow for the vulnerability, honesty, and chance for emotional intimacy.
In my mind, it leaves zero room for meaningful interaction.
It’s awkward.
But, I recently learned a conversation “hack” that has turned small talk around for me.
I first heard this quote as part of the CharacterStrong Leadership curriculum I teach in my classes.
I was teaching a lesson on listening, and the quote was:
“Be more concerned with being interested, rather than being interesting.”
Duh! So simple…
In conversations, especially small talk, I tend to feel like I have to share some sort of series of my life experiences in order to keep the conversation going.
I’m focusing on trying to be interesting to the other person. And usually, the conversation ends or just gets awkward if I can’t think of anything else to share.
Instead, being interested focuses the conversation on the other person. Listening in such a way that actively engages and draws the other person out of themselves.
It’s listening in a way that frames the other person as the most interesting person in the room. Attuning to them as if they have a brilliance inside of them that can be brought out through your present attention, engagement, and thoughtful questions.
Another way to frame this…
Say you had the opportunity to have a one-on-one conversation with someone you revere. Maybe it’s an author, someone you admire, or a family member that has passed away.
How would you attend to that person in your conversation? How attuned would you be to their words, body language, and expressions? What kind of listening would you bring in that moment?
Now…can we bring that kind of attention and quality of listening to “small talk”?
It’s this type of listening that brings out the best in the other person, allows for quality conversation, and creates meaningful interaction.
Be interested, instead of interesting.
Of course, we know what happens when we take this approach.
Inevitability, we become interesting. Because we’ve brought about something in another person. Made them feel important, valued, and connected.
When we engage with those types of people who do this for us, we find them interesting. We want to be around them.
The idea of small talk still makes me cringe a little.
But, I’m hoping that by practicing this hack, it can turn these “small talk” moments into the type of conversation that brings about meaning and connection.
And keeps me from wanting to stay in my sweatpants on a Friday night… #IntrovertProbs
#CourageouslyListening
#IntegrallyRelational
Comments
Post a Comment