“80/20…”
Shared by Breanne Smedley
When I started my first head coaching position in the spring of 2014, feeling overwhelmed was an understatement.
Sure, I had played volleyball for most of my life leading up to this point. I had even coached a few club teams and assisted a varsity program the season prior.
But, nothing compares to taking on a program of your own.
The learning curve associated with learning budgets, travel, scheduling, equipment, fundraising, and camps was no joke. I’m convinced that every school and every district in the nation does it *just a bit* differently than each other.
“Ok, so you can purchase the net using school funds, but you need booster funds to purchase T-Shirts. Unless you want a coach to wear one of those T-Shirts, then you need to use school funds. And you should use school funds for this camp, but you should definitely use boosters to pay for this other camp because it’s after Labor day on a leap year.”
Yep, got it. That makes TOTAL sense….?!?!
Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating that last part.
Then there’s the real work. The work of building a team, a culture, and a program of young women from varying backgrounds and experiences.
To truly get to know them, learn their stories. Get them to have an unyielding belief in themselves, in each other, and in their team.
Then get that team to perform. Over and over. When the stakes are high, when the playing time is uneven when the season gets long.
Oh, plus there’s the actual coaching and playing volleyball. But in comparison to everything else, that part is the easiest.
Then there’s the part that everyone warns you about:
The parents.
I have to be honest, I’ve been blessed with hundreds of wonderful parents and families on my volleyball teams.
Partially (hopefully) because I try to be intentional about the role that parents play in their child’s athletic experience. And by setting boundaries, and keeping open lines of communication between athletes, parents, and coaches.
But, inevitably, despite our greatest efforts, some parents wind up unhappy.
I’ve come to accept it now. Especially now that I’m a parent. We want what’s best for our child, and when we feel like that’s not happening (justified or not…), it can make us think, say, and do things we might not normally.
But, back then, in my first couple of seasons, the thought of an unhappy parent would literally ruin my entire day.
The team itself could be doing just fine. Every other parent and player in the program could be happy. But that one passing comment, or that one thoughtless email, would keep me up at night. Make me wonder where I’m going wrong. Make me question why I’m doing what I’m doing.
Until I hired a woman named Heidi Wyman as my assistant coach my second year in. She may be one of the most overqualified assistants that I’ve ever had.
She was gold. Energetic, positive, passionate, and kind. Looking back, I can see where she gently guided and nudged me along as a young coach.
One of her greatest pieces of advice that she shared with me came after one of “those” parent emails. One of the ones, that if this parent would have just waited to press “send” another 24 hours, I doubt it would have reached my inbox.
“80/20, Bre,” she told me.
“If 80 percent of the people you are leading are passionately following you, and are happy, then you’re doing things right. Don’t worry about the 20 percent that aren’t. You’ll never make them happy. It’s not your job.”
At the time, the thought of not making everyone happy was hard for me. I wanted to be liked, by everyone! It fed my confidence and validation as a young coach.
But, in reality, 100% happy, 100% of the time is unrealistic and unsustainable as a coach. It just doesn’t happen, and I don’t think it should.
It’s not my job to make everyone happy.
It’s my job to challenge, empower, and lead young women to believe in themselves.
To work with each team’s unique skill sets and abilities to put us in the best possible position to be successful on the court.
To leave them with the life lessons of the value of work ethic, attitude, persistence, and selflessness that they will use for years after they serve their last volleyball.
And sometimes, people aren’t happy in this process. That’s okay. We work through it.
And sometimes, there’s the rare person who can’t be satisfied, no matter what you do.
Heidi’s advice has shown me that I waste too much time and energy if I focus solely on this person. Time that I could be spending investing in my team, program, and developing these young women.
This knowledge has helped me countless times over the years.
When I get that random confrontation, email, passing comment, I just to smile to myself and remember,
“80/20, Bre.”
#DaringlyResilient
#PassionatelyServing
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