“Unfortunately, you weren’t selected…”

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Shared by Breanne Smedley

“Unfortunately, you weren’t selected…”

I’m not sure there’s anything worse than feeling like you’re not good enough.

The feeling that you’ve tried your best, given everything you have, but weren’t chosen for the team, position, or role.

It’s the part of my job that I dislike the most.

Being the person to break the news to a high schooler that she didn’t make the team, wasn’t selected for a role.

It happens every year, and it never gets easier. Seeing that young girl enter into the gym on the first day of tryouts.

Nervous and excited to showcase her skills that she’s been practicing all summer.

Maybe she wasn’t going to try out, but someone in her life gave her the nudge. Told her she should try, she would be good at it!

Maybe she’s been training hard in the offseason, with her eye on finally making varsity.

Maybe she hasn’t ever played volleyball before but is looking for a way to meet friends, to be connected to a new school.

I imagine this girl entering a gym full of players, feeling intimidated. Scanning the space to see if she knows anyone.

She doesn’t want to look like she doesn’t know what to do, so she grabs a volleyball. Starts throwing it against the wall.

Finally, the head coach brings everyone together. She announces that they are looking for players with a superior work ethic, a selfless attitude, integrity, and who will make great teammates.

She also says that there will be cuts.

I imagine what it feels like to be in high school again, trying out for a team that you so desperately want to make.

Because it’s not just about making the team.

It’s about being good enough. It’s about being noticed, feeling worthy, and valued.

Someone chose you. You belong.

The night before the “cut day,” I can’t sleep.

I try to come up with ways to avoid breaking these young girls' spirits.

Maybe I’ll just add a few more players to each team. Maybe I’ll create practice players. Maybe they will all want to be managers!

When it comes down to it, I know what I have to do.

I call each player out of the gym, to let her know if she made a team and give her feedback.

They always come out happy, smiling, excited, and optimistic.

It hurts my heart to see it. Because I know that I’m about to give her what could be the worst news of her life so far.

There’s a knot in my stomach as I deliver the news.

“I’m so proud of you for coming out and giving volleyball a try. That takes a lot of courage. We saw some great things out of you, including your hustle and attitude. We think that with more training, your volleyball skillset will improve to a level that can compete in our program. Unfortunately, you were not selected for a team this season.”

I encourage her to not give up on volleyball if she loves it. To try a different sport, get connected with a club. To use this setback as an opportunity to grow as a player and a person.

But sometimes, I think everything else I say after I deliver the news is lost.

I fear what they hear.

“You weren’t chosen. You aren’t good enough.”

Tears start running down her face, as she musters up the words. “Thank you for the opportunity.”

Now I’m trying to hold back tears. Dang it! This sucks!

In reality, I know that these situations are good for these girls. Supported correctly, they provide opportunities for them to take risks, be courageous, respond to setbacks with resiliency.

 

And 100% of the time, they recover. I see these girls in the hallways, surrounded by peers. I ask them how they are doing if they are playing other sports or joined any clubs. Most of the time, they respond with “Yes! I joined the [fill in the blank] team, and I love it!”

Relief.

As leaders, it’s inevitable that we are going to be the one to deliver news that people don’t want to hear.

Understanding and sharing the feelings of another is a skill that must be practiced in order to be developed.

Putting yourself in that person’s shoes. Feeling what they may be feeling.

Empathy.

Compassion.

I hate that I can’t sleep the night before a tough conversation. I hate the knots I get in my stomach, and the deep breathing I need to do in order to get my heart rate down.

I think a little of this is okay though. I’m hoping it reveals that I can relate.

And if we can relate, we can connect.

And where there is connection, there is achievement.

 

#MindfullyEvolving

#IntegrallyRelational

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