“Hard choices…”
Shared by Breanne Smedley
“Hard choices…”
Almost three years ago, Brett and I were faced with the hardest choice in our marriage so far.
Move back home to Vancouver, or stay on Whidbey Island.
We had been living, coaching, and teaching on Whidbey for four years and had grown to love the area, scenery, and people.
It’s where we started our lives together, in a 540 square foot bungalow on the beach
Where we bought our first home together, and where I started my career as a coach and teacher.
We were offered teaching and coaching jobs back in our hometown of Vancouver, at Brett’s alma mater.
Closer to family, friends, and opportunities to grow and expand our careers.
But that meant leaving a place we now called home.
I agonized over this decision for weeks.
I gathered as much information as I could, and compiled it all into a pros and cons chart.
I talked to everyone about it, trying to get all the perspectives (on what they thought we should do with our lives) Ha!
I prayed for an answer, then tried to find it in every place possible.
“Brett, I saw a commercial with an ocean in it, that must mean that we are supposed to stay here!”
“Wait, in the book I was reading today, it mentioned Portland. That’s close to Vancouver. I think we’re supposed to move back.”
Hard choices are stressful.
If only I had a crystal ball that would just let me see each scenario play out, then I would know for sure!
It was during this time that Kristina sent me a Ted Talk by Ruth Chang entitled “How to make hard choices.”
“Yes!” I thought. “Finally, someone is going to give me an answer on what to do!”
Unfortunately for me at the time, Chang did not tell me exactly what to do.
However, she completely changed my mindset when it comes to making hard decisions in our lives.
From “big” choices…
Do I change careers or stay in the one I’m in?
Should I select this person, or that person, to be on my team?
Should we start a family?
To “small” ones…
Should I eat eggs or oatmeal for breakfast?
Should I drive the long way or the short way home?
Chang argues the point that when decisions are “on a par,” that it is false to believe that one alternative is better than the other.
Usually, we believe that there IS a best decision, but we just don’t know it. So, we go with the easy, safe, predictable choice.
The truth is, there was no best alternative between moving to Vancouver, or staying on Whidbey because the choices were of equal value.
No pros and cons list would ever be able to give me the answer.
No amount of information that I could gather would be able to tell me exactly what would happen if I chose one option over the other.
The decision represented an opportunity. Not just in terms of career and family.
An opportunity to decide who we wanted to be.
Chang states, “When faced with a hard choice, decide what kind of person you are or aspire to be, and the values that person has. Make the choice that represents that person.”
There is power in hard choices. Power to create for ourselves who we want to become.
Brett and I decided that above everything, we value family, and growth in our careers.
So at that time in our lives, we decided the best decision was to move back to Vancouver.
We have loved being close to family, especially now that Charlee is here. I’ve grown in areas of my career that I could not have imagined.
It was still hard. We still miss Whidbey all the time.
But here’s the thing about decisions that are “on par” with each other.
It would have been great if we stayed in Whidbey as well. And later in life, it might be the right decision to move back!
Both options would have been the “right” choice.
The key is that we CHOOSE the decision, based on who we want to be. Our decisions in hard choices allow us to become that person.
Those that don’t make decisions this way become drifters, allowing the world to write the story of their lives.
I still hate hard choices.
But now, I see them as an opportunity. To become the person I want to be in this life.
#FiercelyOptimistic
#MindfullyEvolving
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