“What you resist persists…”

 

Shared by Kristina Smedley

It was a beautiful, clear night in Clearwater Oaks, CA.
(Don’t know where that is, neither did I… check Google Maps).

92 of us just completed a week-long personal development seminar (more like an amazing adult camp) that we could never have predicted and I really don’t know how to explain, except to say that it was amazing and life-changing

And, it’s graduation night.
We’re all dressed up.
We enjoy a nice dinner together.
And it’s time to official be pinned as graduates of the program.

I’ve never really liked graduation type ceremonies… I really don’t like my name being called and then walking across a stage with all eyes on me.

(After this week-long course, I now better understand why, but that’s not the point right now.)

Here, we did it a little differently.

Rather than walking by row across a stage, as you might expect from a graduation ceremony, we were in 3 random rows on each side facing towards each other… creating a catwalk down the middle with everyone facing you and cheering for you.

OF COURSE, I end up in the front row, in the closest seat to the front. The seat with the longest walk to the back of the room when my name would be called, just to turn around and walk through everyone to get back to the front to get pinned.

So many eyes would be all on me.

Was I supposed to hurry down the walkway? slap hands with people? strut like a catwalk?

I was fretting.

I was seriously thinking the whole time while clapping and slapping hands with new friends as they strutted down the walkway, “how can I avoid doing this?!”

Then, the name announcements stopped.
The music stopped.
I hadn’t realized that everyone had been called, everyone but me.

In an instant, I thought, “yes, I somehow avoided this!”

Then, “did they do this on purpose to help me grow through one of my least favorite situations”

Finally, “shoot… my least favorite thing is happening and it's worse than if I would have just had my name called like everyone else!”

So, my amazing Buddy yells out my name.
She knows what I’m thinking right at that point… “Nnnooo!”

I try to just go to the front to grab my pin and run.
Of course, that doesn’t work.

So, I (speed) walk from the front to the back, so I can turn around and get back to the front through the sea of hands, cheers, and support.

I am pinned. And embarrassed.

And then I walk around the outside edge receiving hugs from various guests.

All by myself. With everyone watching.
“Do they know how much I’m dreading this? Or do think I’m totally comfortable, like they all seemed to be??”

And since my seat is at the very front, I get one last walk down the cheering aisle… the never-ending nightmare… but thankfully escorted by one of the kind guys in my class.

It seems that what they told us all week is true… “What you resist persists.”

I was really resisting feeling silly, being vulnerable, and receiving support from others.
Those ended up persisting 10X.

But I also realized that it wasn’t that big of a deal. That my friends were there to support me and cheer me on. Going forward, I’ll choose to accept and just enjoy the experience. The resisting was way too painful!

#FiercelyOptimistic

#MindfullyEvolving

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