“The Perfect Coach…”
Shared by Breanne Smedley
“The perfect coach…”
That’s definitely not a title I fill. Really I’m not sure that it exists.
However, when I started coaching, that’s what I thought I had to be. I would never admit that’s what I was trying to do, though.
Looking back to my first years of coaching (gotta love that hindsight 20/20 thing), it’s clear to me that I believed that I needed to be perfect in order to gain my athlete’s trust.
If I wanted them to believe in what I was asking them to do, I needed to make sure to inundate them with all my amazing volleyball knowledge (ha!), have all the right answers to their questions, and make no mistakes.
God forbid I did make a mistake, I had to work hard to make it seem like it was intentional, or someone else’s fault.
Like the time I called the third timeout in a heated match (you’re only allowed two), and cost our team a point. It was the ref’s fault for not reminding me that I had used two already!
Or when I put the lineup in wrong and my players were confused on where to go. It was strategy, I was trying to create different matchups!
How about the time(s) that I designed a drill that fell flat on its face. It was because the players weren’t working hard enough to make it work!
I’m almost embarrassed to write these things.
Imagine if I would have owned up to my mistakes? Been vulnerable with my team and admitted that I messed up, that I’m sorry, and that I will work hard to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
It was a risk that I wasn’t willing to take in order to find out. So early in my career with so much that I thought I had to prove.
Brene Brown, the queen of vulnerability research says:
“Staying vulnerable is the risk we have to take if we want to experience connection”
Connection. That’s what would have resulted in my vulnerability if I had been willing to risk.
Connection with my team as they saw me as a human that makes mistakes, just like they do.
What a missed opportunity!
Today, I’m thankful that it’s a different story.
Having the courage to be imperfect, the authenticity to be who we are, and the compassion to be kind to ourselves in the process is something I chase after.
It results in me feeling uncomfortable often, and I hate it sometimes!
Now, I look for ways that I can own up to mistakes, and be vulnerable with my team.
That part is not hard, I make mistakes all the time.
The difficult part is choosing to be courageous in the face of perceived weakness, own up, and share without knowing what the response will be.
But we know what the response can be.
Brown also says. “Vulnerability is THE ONLY bridge to human connection.”
If I value connection and relationships, I must walk through vulnerability to get there.
Luckily, it’s not by trying to be “The Perfect Coach.”
#IntegrallyRelational
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