“Kristina, the Bulgarian folk dancer…”
Shared by Kristina Smedley
Have I ever told you about the time I was a Bulgarian folk dancer?
Now that I asked, I’m going to guess not! Actually, I’m certain none of you know unless you somehow saw the video.
Performing as a dancer is my nightmare, one filled with self-doubt and embarrassment.
But it also proved to be a lesson that our minds create labels, judgments, definitions that aren’t the truth and many times hold us back in fear. When reflecting back on the experience, a lesson to just give it a try.
OK, so the story of being a Bulgarian Folk Dancer…
A few years ago I traveled to Sofia, Bulgaria with a couple of colleagues. It was winter, there was dirty snow on the ground, the city’s buildings were fascinating but also dingy-looking in the grey, cloudy skies. I couldn’t read any of the road signs.
But inside the local restaurants there was warmth, laughter, folk music, AND local dance groups dressed in traditional costumes and performing traditional dances. So, the guys and I decided to grab a bite and enjoy the show!
I don’t really recall what I ate as we watched the dancers perform line dances and partner dances that included the most intricate footwork… I was amazed! The music was really upbeat and they were hopping so quickly from foot to foot while swinging each other around and moving in unison.
It really was fantastic!
Running through my mind though, as I typically think while watching performers, was: “I could never do that! Nor would I want to… how embarrassing”
And then it happened.
Without time to run to the bathroom or hide under the table, they were searching the crowd for new dance partners and my colleagues volunteered me.
Ugg. Panic. NO.
And then… shoot, what am I going to do – run away? Start crying? (I did sorta want to).
So… Ok. I walk down to the dance area that consists of the entire center of this huge restaurant, surrounded by tables on all sides, filled with diners who can’t wait to laugh at me.
This is seriously my nightmare.
I get my costume. Yep, I too had a costume.
In my mind…
“Everyone here knows this music and dance; I have no clue.”
“I hate being the center of attention like this.”
“I don’t even really like to dance…at all.”
“I’m so mad at my colleagues (who are laughing hysterically and taking videos and pictures from our table)”
“I don’t want to do this!”
“Please don’t start crying.”
Just as quickly as my costume is on, the music starts, and my guy dance partner is pulling me out onto the dance floor, either assuming I knew what to do or trying to explain how to perform these quick hopping-around type dance steps.
Of course, he was speaking to me in Bulgarian.
Like the road signs, I have no clue what directions he was giving me.
In my resistance, I’m sure whatever I did was not recognized as a dance step. He pretty quickly passed me over to one of the girls who knew English.
So, she tries to explain. I sorta try to copy. She waters it down and basically tells me, “just march in place.” This is so embarrassing. So humiliating. So terrible. When is it going to end!
It did end, eventually. I went back to the table and my colleagues were laughing but proud of me, had some pretty embarrassing videos, but in time became an entertaining experience and memory that brought us closer together.
I can see now that even though my mind was telling me that it was embarrassing and horrifying, with others it was building connections and creating memories.
I can see now that I have a choice to let my mind govern me with fear, full of self-doubt and embarrassment. OR, I can choose to let these thoughts enter and float on by, like a cloud, and instead be present in the moment, be vulnerable, and give it a try.
I’m still hoping these videos don’t show up one day.
If they do, it will be a reminder to continue to ‘be present and give it a try’.
#DaringlyResilient
#MindfullyEvolving
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