“Helping to Hinder…”

 

Shared by Kristina Smedley

Do you know good people who, in their effort to be caring, are actually enabling bad habits or hindering others?

With good intentions, they say, “I was just trying to help.”

I believe that “helping” oftentimes isn’t what’s needed.

Helping pay an adult child’s bills isn’t going to teach responsibility and money management.

Allowing lateness isn’t going to build the skills of accountability and time management that will be needed throughout life.

I know you’re thinking… this is obvious.
I thought so too.

But I learned recently from one of my teammates that “helping to hinder” isn’t always so obvious.

Before moving on to a new position, I asked him if there was anything I could do to be a better manager.

He responded: “I have actually been wanting to share something. This is sort of uncomfortable, but remember in our team meeting last week when I needed to reach out to upper management to get more information, and you said you would take care of it? Doing that made me question if you thought I was capable of. It made me feel less confident and less accountable to the project because it seemed like you wanted to control it.”

My heart dropped.
Then we had a good discussion.

He’s more than capable, I was just trying to help take one action off his plate. I admire him in so many ways and felt terrible that I ever made him question himself or diminish his engagement. This didn’t come through in my actions.

He didn’t need my help. He needed someone passionately serving his greatest potential.

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Wait… ‘Greatest Potential’ … ‘Serving’
Too much fluff for you? Ok, let me elaborate.

First… our greatest potential.

I consider our greatest potential to be where we have the characteristics, the skills, the inner peace, and confidence that can be geared towards our passions.

A sense that in our heart of hearts, we are doing what we are meant to be doing.

Fulfillment.

Living a great and meaningful life.

Second… passionately serving.

Passionately serving is in no way equivalent to helping.

Truly serving another means listening first and then considering their needs, goals, and passions, assisting them to become more aware, develop skills, and be more able.

Dialog. Challenging them. Honest feedback. Tough conversations. And cheering them on.

Not just helping.

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Breanne, my Mindfluent Leadership partner, exemplifies what I’m talking about.

Here’s a snapshot of what she shared with me once:

“Coaching volleyball means more than just teaching the skills of the sport. More importantly, I’m in the business of giving young women space where they can learn how to take risks, fail, learn, and succeed.”

“Through their journey, I hope to prepare them not only as strong, compassionate leaders on the court, but also in their relationships, families, and careers.”

This is passionately serving.

Hopefully, you all will see what I’m talking about through Breanne’s stories and maybe at a Columbia River Volleyball game one day!

I would love to hear your examples of catching yourself “helping to hinder” or practicing “passionately serving.” Happy Friday!

 

#PassionatelyServing

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