"Worse than quitting..."
Shared by Breanne Smedley
At the end of my senior year of high school, I disappointed everyone.
At least that's how it seemed from my perspective.
I decided that I didn’t want to play volleyball in college.
Leading up to that point, I had been playing on club teams and for my high school.
Going to all the big tournaments, getting seen.
My coaches were helping me get recruited. I had been on a few visits to colleges, and had a few scholarship offers.
It was a given that I was going to play somewhere after high school. “It would be a waste of talent not to!” I was told.
It was only a matter of choice. “Where will she choose to go? Which offer will she take?”
When it came time to decide, I was nervous to tell everyone.
I was done playing volleyball. I wanted to just go to college. Be a “normal” student at Western Washington University.
Disappointment.
I remember a player from Northwest Nazarene University, where I had gone on a visit, reaching out to me via email.
She said she was shocked, not that I didn’t choose NNU, but that she had heard I decided not to play anymore. She said I would regret it.
Similar sentiments were echoed from coaches and my parents.
“As long as you’re happy, though…” they’d say.
Fast forward to college, after my freshman year. I realized a big part of my heart was missing.
Knowing I was at an extreme disadvantage, I reached out to the volleyball coach WWU. “Any chance you have any spots open?”
To my surprise, she offered me a tryout.
Then, a spot on the team.
The next 3 years, I embraced my role, and worked hard for a team, program, and coaches that I came to love.
I have no regrets about where that path led me.
Playing for one of the top DII volleyball programs in the nation, under coaches who I admire and I still maintain close contact with, and with players who have become some of my best friends has no doubt been one of the best experiences of my life.
However, as I look back on my decision to not play after high school in the first place, I can now see with clarity why I made that choice.
Fear.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of failure.
Fear of not performing to my potential and letting everyone down.
Fear that was rooted in my lack of confidence.
It was worse than quitting. I didn’t even start!
My fear got in the way. I listened, and believed the inner critic telling me that I wasn’t good enough.
It’s a lesson I have held with me to this date.
I don’t let fear call the shots anymore. I jump in, wholeheartedly, to the adventures that make me scared, and uncomfortable.
Because on the other side is growth.
Growth that is reserved for those that look their fears in the eye and see them for what they truly are:
False figments of our imaginations.
Created in our minds.
Designed to hold us back.
To keep us safe and comfortable.
To stay put.
To never evolve, or grow.
And I'd rather risk failure than living a life without growth.
#DaringlyResilient
#MindfullyEvolving
