“She watches me…”

 

Shared by Breanne Smedley

Like, really, really watches me.

She watches me work.

In the gym during the volleyball season.

Connecting with players.
Addressing a program.
Running drills.

She watches each morning as I buckle her into her car seat.
And listens as I tell her to have fun with her friends at the babysitters.

Then, she watches as I drive off to teach other people’s children for the day.

She watches me work at home.

Typing away on my laptop.
Brainstorming with Kristina.
Learning from colleagues on weekly zoom meetings.

She watches as I close the office door for a couple hours on a Sunday.

“Mommy is working, she will be out soon.”

She watches me clip into the Peloton bike and cheers me on until I become breathless.

And today, watches me smile as she set up the fan to blow in my direction.

She watches me at CrossFit.

As I struggle to push a heavy barbell above my head.
Or collapse on the ground after pushing myself to my max.

She watches as I make dinner and prep for the week.
Chopping.
Sauteing.
Cooking.

She watches how I interact with my husband, her daddy.
The words.
The body language.
The pauses in the middle of making dinner to hug or kiss.

Sometimes, when she’s watching, I can’t look at her face and not want to pick her up.

To hold her.
Make her laugh.
Read her favorite books.
Color with her.

It’s not always easy to look at that sweet face staring up at me, yet continue to type away.

Continue to finish my workout.
Continue to make dinner.
Continue to get in my car and leave for work.
Continue running the drill with my team.

It’s not easy, but I also know that when I’m done with those things for the day, I’m done.

We will snuggle.
We will read.
We will color.
We will sing (sort of ).

Though I can’t be all the things to Charlee at all times, I know that I’m serving her as I work, too.

She gets a front-row seat to watch her mama build something important.

To follow a passion.
Embrace failures.
Celebrate wins.
Build relationships.

It might be easier to stop it all. Pick her up. And in some moments, I do.

But that’s not always my job in those moments.

My job is to live the example.

To show her that you can actually have it all, just maybe not in the same hour.

Or the same day, week, or season.

That you can and should chase your passions.

And that success requires hard work and consistency.

That boundaries are important and essential.

And that I can do both.

Serve my baby while showing her a full, varied, and consciously-chosen life at the same time.

Keep watching, Charlee.

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#IntegrallyRelational

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