“Babies make you selfish…”
Shared by Breanne Smedley
One of the biggest changes to the dynamic of Brett and I’s relationship with the addition of Charlee has been time management.
More like, “who’s going to watch Charlee while I [fill in the blank]…”
Work on football or volleyball.
Plan for school.
Go to practice.
Work on Mindfluent Leadership.
Clean the house.
Workout.
Take a shower.
Have a fricken moment to myself…
Our life B.C. (Before Charlee) seemed to flow effortlessly between these things.
We would check-in with each other, but for the most part, we did what we needed or wanted without much hesitation.
That was stripped away really fast.
At this stage, there’s no way we can both be occupied something at the same time while Charlee is awake.
Well, I guess we could.
But there would also be toys in the toilet and a bunch of crying.
It’s during these times that my selfishness gets exposed.
“I didn’t used to be selfish!” I’d think.
But what was once covered up by the ability to do pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted has now been blown up by the constant need of a 16-month-old.
These days, whatever I want to do on my own inevitably leaves Brett with Charlee, and vice versa.
So it’s a balancing act. A give and take. And waking up at 4:45am to try and squeeze in some time before the chaos starts.
Yesterday was no different.
We’re on vacation, but still trying to build in plenty of time to work and spend time doing things we love (together and separately).
We are working on trying to communicate and be open with each other about exactly what those things are.
Because nothing is worse than the resentment of wanting to do something, but never being able to do it.
And usually, that comes down to not speaking that desire in the first place.
Brett mentioned early in the morning that he wanted to take a nap and work on some stuff.
Thoughts that popped into my head at first…
“What about what I want to do?”
“Who is going to watch Charlee for all of that?”
“Are you going to change this blowout before that because I changed the last one!?” [Don’t keep track, don’t keep track…]
“I just finished hanging out with Charlee while you were in the bathroom for 20 minutes!”
Ok…maybe it wasn’t 20 minutes.
Thoughts that sound selfish.
That sounds like I don’t like hanging out with my funny, energetic, lovable daughter.
Thoughts I had to fight while I took Charlee to the beach for one of the best hours of my day yesterday.
Just her and I, combing the beach.
Finding interesting rocks and shells.
Watching tiny crabs scurry back into the water.
It was perfect.
It’s not always that way.
Brett and I are learning.
Being able to communicate better about what we want and need.
Grappling with our selfishness at times.
Not always easy. Always worth it.
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#DaringlyResilient
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