“Must do it all…”

 Shared by Kristina Smedley

“Must do it all…”

That has been my [limiting] mindset for many years.

I think people tried to tell me this.
Just not in the ways that I was willing or open to hearing.

One day, with an open computer and notebook in one hand and a coffee sloshing in the other, I high-heel-hustled between conference rooms.

It’s a miracle I didn’t spill or trip!

“Smedz, everything ok buddy? Can I help you with that?” asked a worried colleague.
“I’m great. Just running between meetings that I need to host,” I reply. A little out of breath.

Or, “You have your hands in too many things. Stay in your lane.”
I’ve shared this story before.

That conversation pissed me off.
I had never felt less appreciated or seen.

But looking at this again, maybe in his ineloquent and gruff way he was trying to help me slow down and focus. I was spreading myself too thin.

I have countless memories like these.
Subtle messages that maybe I was carrying too much.

But I also have many rewarding memories of the hustle.

Recognition for leading multiple teams to success.
Comments from others that they can’t believe how much I can juggle at one time.
Appreciation.

And the personal fulfillment and confidence gained by trying new things.
Fitting it all in.
Making a difference.

I can do it all.
I’ve been doing it all, at the same time, successfully, and I’ve enjoyed it.

But this fall, I got the message I needed.
The message that stopped me in my tracks.
Made me think.

After observing me for a few days, my Professional Coach asked me to ponder this thought:

“That which you are seeking, is causing you to seek.”

It’s not a riddle for solving.
There’s no answer.

But, I think my body intuitively gets it.

Slow down.
Presence.
Be. Sense. Appreciate.

Those words don’t do justice to what I’m feeling.
And the only way I can tap into this feeling is to feel.

Not think. Or do.
And especially not ‘Must Do Everything.’
And so I’m exploring this.

 

#MindfullyEvolving

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